Booster, Anyone?

I don't know why I feel this "thing" today, but I am just not as comfortable. I am irritated.

One greatest thing I've learned from my previous "home" was to become aggressive. At times it works, you know. You feel the need of doing more. You see yourself growing more. Challenge, more than pushing us down, is what makes us tougher. Yes at times you need a break though but nevertheless, I believe that life is also about facing adversities, and winning it. And that's what I need now. I don't only need a rough road to take, but also a fuel to keep me going. You see, idleness and motivation are two different things.

Just this afternoon, I had the chance to share my thoughts with Rohani while having snack at Long John's Silver. I told her that I really hate mediocrity. I do hate it. How can I settle for something good if I know I can do something better? But sometimes it leaves me no choice. And that's another thing. I want to do more but people around me, well, not so around me, can settle for something less. But I couldn't blame them either for living their life within this border of mediocrity. I want to implement new things but I don't have the voice (yet) to scream it. And even if I have, I don't think they have ears to hear it. God knows how I want the best for my new home. And since they can settle for less, I can do things for them even faster. That's what they want. They care more about quantity than quality. In the end, it gives me more time for idleness.

And here is the saddest thing. This could be my opportunity to discover new things. But what do I do? None. Zero. Nothing. Can someone get me a glass of booster please?

This could be my time to read more books, to study new things. But I don't see any actions to myself. Well, I just realized that I learn things faster and better when I am hands on to it. Oh how I hate to read techy books. It must be hands on. Like learning Adobe InDesign recently.

On the lighter side, I get the chance to do some valuable "things". I almost spent my entire day exchanging emails with my friends, planning about surprise birthdays and all. I get the chance to chat with a few. I get the chance to write this entry. But talking about work, it's a total boredom.

I need a booster. Anyone?

Oh well, can't wait for Saturday.

Frustrated

Bakit ganito, parang hindi maganda ang mga nasusulat ko ngayon. Pero sana nagkataon lang ito at di magtatagal ay may maganda na din akong maikukwento...

Last night, naglaro ako ng badminton kasama ang mga sfc friends ko. Anim kami lahat, dun sa may Kallang Community Club. Ok naman ang laro namin kasi most of us our beginners, although ako naman eh medyo naglalaro na talaga dati. Naalala ko tuloy si pareng Erwin, ang aking kapartner sa badminton sa pinas. Maganda kasi ang tandem namin tuwing naglalaro kami ng badminton.

Anyways, nung naghihintay ako at yung kasama ko ng turn namin para maglaro ulet, yung dalawang chekwa sa kabilang court eh niyaya kaming maglaro at syempre go naman kami. Ayun, talo kami. Kasi di pa gano marunong yung kasama ko tapos magaling yung mga chekwa which is good para sa isang taong gusto lalong gumaling sa badminton.

Pagkatapos nun, naconvince namin si Gabs na ilibre kami ng dinner dun sa may bandang Kembangan. Ang bait nga netong si Gabs eh kasi sya din ang nagpahiram sa ng raketa kasi ako yung taong mahilig magbadminton pero hanggang ngayon eh wala pang sariling raketa.

At doon nangyari ang frustration ko habang kumakain kami.

Sinuyo kasi namin yung may-ari ng kainan na birthday ni Gabs, kasi birthday naman kasi talaga nya. Humihingi kami ng perks since dun namin pumiling magcelebrate. Eh mabait yung may-ari kaya 10% discount daw kami sa bills namin tapos free pa yung rice namin.

Tapos habang kumakain kami, binigyan nung mayari si Gabs ng half-yard glass. Di ko madescribe yung itsura eh. Pero sige kukuha ako at ilalagay ko dito para makita nyo kung ano yun. Basta gusto ko din kasi yun.

So inungutan ko din yung mayari. Sabi ko gusto ko din nung binigay nya kay Gabs. Nung una, hindi kami nagkakaintindihan. Akala nya jar ang gusto ko hanggang sa narealize nya na yung half-yard glass ang gusto ko. Medyo maloko din yung mayari. So umalis sya sandali para bigyan ako. Pero pagbalik nya, una nya munang pinakita sa kin yung dala nyang pitsel ng tiger beer pero hawak nya sa isang kamay yung glass habang tinatago nya sa likod nya. Kung baga, niloloko nya ko na pitsel pala yung bibigay nya sa kin.

Sabi ko hindi ko yun gusto. Then after that, pinakita na din nya sa kin yung glass. Nilapag nya sa lamesa namin. E ang kaso yun palang isang ka-bro ko eh gusto din nun. Eh since malapit sa kanya yung pagkakalapag ni uncle (yung mayari) ng glass, akala nya siguro sa kanya binigay. Kaya ayun, ang ending, hindi ko nakuha yung glass kasi buong akala nya eh sa kanya yun. Nagtaka nga yung isa kong ka-sis kung talagang yung pitsel ang gusto ko. Sabi ko hindi. Pero for the record, hindi naman ako galit sa ka-bro ko kasi hindi din naman nya kasalanan. Misinterpretation lang siguro ang lahat.

Tapos nung pauwi na kami, iniwan ko yung pitsel. Tapos sinabihan ako ng mga kasama ko kung bakit iniwan ko yung pitsel. Sabi ko hindi ko talaga yun gusto. Dapat daw kinuha ko na lang din at binigay sa kanila.

Bago ako umuwi, kinausap ko si uncle. Sabi ko babalik ako dun at magdadala ako ng friends tapos dapat bigyan nya ko nung gusto kong glass. Nagpromise naman sya na bibigyan nya ko kung babalik lang ako. Tinanong ko pa sya kung lasing sya, sabi naman nya hindi. Tapos bago kami umalis, sinabihan pa nya ko na "you are handsome ha". Mukha namang pamilyado nang tao si uncle eh kaya di na sya kaduda-duda.

Kaya ayun. Di ko pa din maget-over yung nangyari last night. Pero ngayon medyo ok na ko kasi nakachat ko si Jeni kanina. Wala lang. Wala nang kokontra.

Sinulat ko tong entry na to habang hinihintay ko sa lab etong mga bago kong students sa web production na subject. Grabe 30 min late na sila lahat! Pito lang sila at ni isa wala pang dumadating. Pero buti na din yun para magawa ko din tong entry na to.

Bwisit!

Una sa lahat, kailangan kong magtagalog bilang paggunita sa Linggo ng Wika na pinagdiriwang ng Pilipinas.

 

Ok so dapat ko nang simulan tong entry ko na to bago ako lalong mabwisit.

 

Bwisit ako. Hindi ako ganun ka-fanatic ng Singapore Idol kasi talagang para sa kin, hindi talaga sila magaling, except lang kay Mathilda at Hadi. Hindi naman sa panglalait, pero talaga namang mas magaling pa ang mga contestants ng Little Big Star ng Pinas kesa sa mga Singapore Idol na to. At ang nakakainis, natanggal na si Mathilda, ang isa sa mga paborito ko.  Ok lang sanang matanggal sya kung talagang mahirap na pumili ng tatanggalin. Eh hindi naman ganun ang kaso.  Lahat ng natira, maliban kay Hadi, eh walang dudang patapon na. Nakakabuwisit di ba.

 

Bwisit ako.  Simula sa isang linggo, halos okupado na ang lahat ng gabi ko dahil tuwing Martes, Huwebes at Biyernes eh 1pm-10pm ako.  Kung kailan pa naman nagiging active ako lalo sa mga activities ng SFC eh tsaka naman naleche ang schedule ko sa office.  Biruin nyo ba naman, eto ang mga activities ko simula next week:

• Dance practice for SFC Sportsfest on September (twice a week)
• Badminton session
• Tennis session
• Ballroom session
• Bowling practice (para sa sportsfest sana)
• Swimming

Ngayong Lunes at Miyerkules na lang ang open kong schedule na may gabi, pano ko isisingit lahat yan? Nakakabuwisit di ba.

 

Bwisit ako.  Kasi despedida ngayong gabi ng kaibigan ko.  Pumunta ako dun kasama ang mga SFC friends ko para isurpresa sya.  Successful naman ang gathering namin, except that kailangan lang namin umuwi nung mga bandang 12am na.  May 2 kasi kaming barkada dito sa Singapore, bukod sa housemates ko, na nasa bahay at naghihintay sa min.  Ayaw ko pa talagang umuwi kasi ang punto ko naman, minsan lang yung gathering namin na yun, e eto namang mga barkada ko pwede pa naming i-meet some other time kasi andito lang naman sila.  Kaya lalo akong bwisit kasi ilang beses na kong ganito, na ang dami ko nang napalagpas na pagkakataon na mapasaya sana yung sarili ko kahit papano pero hindi pwede dahil sa mga ganung klaseng pagkakataon.

 

Yung binili naming dining set sa bahay, may preferred akong style pero ayaw nung kaibigan ko. Wala akong nagawa kundi magparaya.  Yung flower vase at bulaklak, may iba din akong gusto pero bigla na lang bumili tong kaibigan ko. So wala na naman akong nagawa kundi magparaya.  Kaya lang minsan nakakainis na.  Hanggang kailan ba pwedeng magparaya? Sinubukan kong ipilit minsan yung gusto ko pero hindi umubra kaya eto ako ngayon. Parang gusto kong magwala pero wala din namang mangyayari sa kin.  Alam ko namang mawawala din ito o siguro magsasubside lang.  Kaya lang sa ngayon, para gusto kong sumigaw, magalit pero di naman manakit. Oa na yun eh.

 

Hay, kabuwisit talaga.

Sculptures at Esplanade

Yesterday I arrived early at Esplanade. I'm supposed to meet my SFC friends at 8pm for our dance practice but I was there around 6:30pm. I was too bored in the office yesterday that I'd rather spent my time moseying by the bay. I passed by Esplanade and saw these sculpture displays. I was so desperate to post the pictures so I just make do of my mobile phone.

Here are the pics.








"Descent of a Man"








"Self Portrait"








"Shucks" (made of 50,ooo thumb tucks)







"Shu Nu" (Chinese Caligraphy)









"Save Our World"











"Swimming Together"


Miscellaneous:

I also took a view of Esplanade and Fireworks display last Saturday. Something's wrong with my fireworks pic. It can get through. Anyways, I was with my 2 housemates friends that night, Mike and Dianne.








The Esplanade

Full

Last Tuesday night, we watched the Fireworks display, this time by Singapore. Last Saturday it was Italy. We find it better to view it at Food Loft of Marina Square, overlooking Esplanade and Marina Bay. The show fired up at 9pm but I was there at 6:30pm to get a perfect place at the food court, but I didn't know that people arrived earlier than me and have stayed on their tables until fireworks. Kainis. Kaya I just got a small table inside and wait for my friends to arrive.

An hour prior to the show, we were already standing at the veranda of the food court. Time just flew unnoticably kasi we're all chatting around one another like we miss everyone you know. They are by the way my friends from SFC Singapore.

Then after the fireworks display, we went bowling! And good Lord it was really fun! I almost lost my voice you know. We were shouting and teasing and bullying everybody hehehe. Kakatuwa kasi may kanya kanyang porma ang friends ko pag tumitira sila sa bowling. Kuya Jonathan sways his hands incessantly while slightly knee-bend, until the ball hits the pins. Kuya Jomer naman hops a bit before he throws the ball. In fairness, they are such good bowlers, like me. hehehe just kidding.

We went home past 1am already. Anyways, it's holiday the next day. It's Singapore's National Day!

We just stayed at home. I woke up late morning and did my swimming afternoon na. So we played na lang PS2 with Kingdom Hearts 2! I like that game. Pambata. hehehe. Disney characters are all there including Pirates of the Carribean! Main characters are there. And I love Donald Duck! He's like me. hehehe. Makulit and the more you ask him to stop doing something, the more he'll do it. And he's also straightforward but funny too. hehehe.

We had Chopseuy for lunch courtesy of Mike the Shallow Hal ( hehe ) and Tinola for dinner courtesy of Dianne aka Rosemary hahaha!

Then we slept past 1am again coz we can't get enough of Kingdom Hearts 2!

I hope I can grab some pics of fireworks display from my friends. Poor me. No digicam yet. But my day ended just full. Thank you Lord. :D

Empty

Ok, I carry through each day. I go home on time. I eat just enough. Not quite busy in the office. Got friends I laugh with and do crazy things anytime we want. I attend church and SFC activity. I am an active person I could say. But not quite. I still feel something empty inside.

I know I have to do something. It's already in my mind. The idea is there. I know how to change. I know where to start. I know what to do. But why am I stuck on the same shit? Hay...

I need to refresh my faith I know. I need to clean up my access to Him. But I got too complacent that forgiveness always comes into my way everytime I fall. That's really bad. And I'm so bad now. I feel bad. And someone should never do the same mistake.

Now I feel like everything easily gets wrong. Words I don't like to hear from people keeps passing by my ear. Today I feel like everybody bullies me. I get sensitive. When I get sensitive, I avoid people I need to avoid. Especially when nothing is established yet, I can easily push them away from me. That is me. And I feel bad.

I must do something. It's not bringing me any good things anymore.

.....