Ambivalence

In my attempt to catharsis, I have spent my private Saturday in my room and watched endlessly Robbie William’s music videos. And it dredged up my frustration on his Singapore concert that was called of a few weeks ago. It could have been a total chill out jiffy for me. It could have been another venue of culture mélange where intermingling was supposedly a part of my game plan.

Ok so that is not my story for this entry. Obviously, as I label this one, I am on a stage of indecisiveness. It is worse than dilemma but not close to suicidal attempts, please, never. Much like dancing rigodon, less a partner and presence of mind. Hmm, I could never imagine. It is like playing snake and ladder where you move one step forward and 10 steps backward. The latter is a better analogy. I hope I make sense.

Honestly, I am rambling as I write this piece. That’s how muddled my life is as of. A soul wandering cluelessly on a one way street. Entertaining negative emotions that are supposedly uncalled for.

Seriously (I mean, I’m serious from the very beginning), I am currently experiencing some sporadic emotional relapse and a mild manic-depression. But listen to me, it is not a good practice, whether you’re a psychiatrist or just plain adviser, to label someone’s mental condition. I just have the privilege to do it myself coz I love playing with names. Was I plastered? Almost. And here me shout later.

Geez…I should have never met Alonso Quixano and Oscar Wilde I swear.

I really need the Supreme Being now. I really need to succumb myself to our Teacher for some spiritual checking to know how bad my rating is. Thanks friends for all your prayers.

And one more thing, I really terribly miss my COF down to my last tissue. My true and solid friends. I wish I have the power to summon them right this very moment.

Ok Robbie, play that Beyond The Sea once more and I will click for you…(“I know beyond the doubt, my heart will lead me there soon. We meet I know we’ll meet beyond the shore, And kiss just like before. Happy we will be beyond the sea, and never again I go sailing.”)