I don't actually know how to start this entry. All I want is to write anything that pops out of my mind and put it all together as much as I could. God I was never this stumped before. I was never this lost my entire life. I was never this depressed. I was never this stupid and mean. How can I be this broken and interrupted. I don't even know how to pick up the pieces because I have never intended to break it off in the first place. It just happens. It happens because I cheated. I cheated myself. I cheated others.
I tried putting my feet on the pond, and now, before I knew it, I am dragged to the ocean, defenseless, surrounded by souls who have done the same shit of mistakes in their lives.
How can I be so deeply alone when I'm surrounded by friends. How can I be so deeply alone when we have our God who promise us eternal companionship. Why do I feel so alone if I have chosen to take this path in the first place. This is the absurdest event of my life. I could not believe I could live the worst dual life I have never imagined. How can I be good inside my community and bad outside.
I feel like a ghoul wandering around and cannot cross over. I feel so lost, so lost. How can things be so ironic that before I started the game, I know where it would lead me and yet, I continue playing it until I realize I got close to hell.
I cannot continue this anymore...I just want to talk. I don't want to listen. I don't want to hear anything.
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1 comment:
I feel you here... And i hate it... I hate the feeling.. Perhaps the only difference is How can i be good outside and bad on the inside? Isn't worst of all the dual life we're living? I feel so sad and lonely....
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